Lily
Photos by Sam Pickart Photography
What life experience has impacted you the most and how did it impact you?
It’s hard for me to pinpoint the most impactful life experience. There have been a handful of incidents that all hold the same importance. I think of studying abroad where I learned to navigate the world a bit more independently, or moments with my family that capture the love we have for one another, or beginning the journey toward self-acceptance and self-compassion.
The moments mentioned and many more have helped shape me into the person I am. One that occurred more recently was during a conversation with my therapist. In the session, I shared that I was struggling to find joy in the things that usually make me feel most happy, especially my art. The creativity no longer felt natural and I felt stuck: nothing I made was good enough or didn’t qualify as ‘great’ art. I stopped drawing regularly because I felt why should I even bother?
This self-inflicted pressure to achieve ‘perfect’ and the subsequent guilt when falling short shifted the way I approached my art. “I should create and draw more. I should make better content. I should establish my style.”
When I said this, my therapist proceeded to say, “I’m hearing a lot of ‘shoulds.’ Is there a different way we can look at it that removes obligation?”
We tested it out: “I get to draw. I get to make content. I get to continue finding and honing my style.”
With just a minor change of verbiage, that built-up pressure diminished. The feeling of not being enough was replaced with optimism that saw opportunity, not obligation.
I try to practice this whenever I draw, and, as a result, I feel more myself than I have in a long time as an artist. I create because I am able to and want to, not to achieve an unreachable perfection. This outlook allows me the freedom to be authentic, to separate myself from fear or guilt. The ideas that I previously dismissed as inconsequential are now explored simply because I have them and want to share them in my work. They don’t need to form a perfect story or look a certain way; they just need to be.
-Lily