Letting The Light In

We’re all a little broken, I think. We each have a little part of us that isn’t happy or feels weighed down. And that’s okay. It’s a part of life. I’m in my twenty second season, and each season I come to realize that the turning never stops, no matter how badly we want to pause.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you decide to respond.

Not react.

Respond.

This year has been full of so many changes, and I feel like I can’t keep up. I’m a workaholic. If I’m not working, I feel guilty for not ‘investing in myself.’ And that sucks.

I’d forgotten what it felt like to slow down and hold a paintbrush. I’d forgotten what it felt like when you’re stuck in a painting and have a hard time getting the colors just right, but then you work and work and all of a sudden the colors start to seamlessly blend. I love that thrill. It gives a sense of accomplishment that I missed so much until today.

I’d forgotten what it felt like to not have a to-do list and to just sit and be present. Maybe I’ll read a book today and maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll go for a run today and maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll sit in a coffee shop in the comforting presence of silent strangers and maybe I won’t.

And I guess I’d forgotten what my own voice sounded like (metaphorically, of course). I missed having a conversation with myself and the little voice inside my head that tells me that great things are coming and my work will pay off. I missed sitting for hours on end, not stopping to eat, drink, or relieve myself for fear of my paint drying too quickly. I missed feeling like there’s so much out there to create, and feeling encouraged to pursue it.

And so here is my letter to all you that feel like this lack of inspiration resonates with you:

You know that quote?

“Let your heart break daily. In conversation. Over song lyrics. During the pause right before the sun rises. While you’re sipping coffee + looking into the eyes of someone talking about something they love. For when we break a little, we come alive. It’s in this space of healing, we get to expand. And it’s here, in our vulnerability and openness, we step into our greatest selves.” -Danielle Doby

It’s true.

I feel like I’ve been broken for so long, and I haven’t made time to focus on creating. I’m one of those people that believes that life is short and fragile. You never know what could happen. Those stories about people unexpectedly dying, aren’t just stories. They’re real life.

I really don’t mean to be morbid… I’m just a firm believer in giving everything you have into each day. This is why you should never go to bed or say goodbye to a loved one without telling them you love them first. You never know what will be the last thing you say to someone. I know that I always say this, but invest in people. We sometimes forget that as we age, our families that raised us are too.

This week I’ve been turning my attention to my relationships, near and far. I feel like since graduating, I’ve been moving too fast and I haven’t made the proper time to genuinely catch up with my loved ones, friends and family alike. I missed the soggy good morning kisses my niece greets me with each morning, welcoming me to a new day. I missed the coffee shop dates where I get to ask people questions and understand their passions and what makes them get up each morning. It is in these moments that I start to better understand not only the human race in general, but also myself, a little more.

I’ve come to realize that we all need to break in order to let the light back in. It hurts to be broken sometimes, whether it’s a result of our daily routines, a death in the family, a lost friendship, or even just falling victim to life moving rapidly.

I think we ought to adapt the mindset of “I get to…” instead of “I have to…”

I get to wake up each morning with the chance to start over.

I get another day to be grateful for my friends and family and appreciate them fully.

I get to go to work today.

I get another day to figure out what sets my soul on fire.

I get to pursue something challenging and see how it furthers my growth.

Yesterday was spent in tears over a daily heartbreak.

Today was spent bringing the artist in me back to life.

And so if something in your life breaks, know that it happened for a reason and its intent is to let the light back in.