Nothing Is More Difficult Than My Own Soul

This life is a tough one. There are going to be so many critics - so many people who will tell you that you aren't fast enough, tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or strong enough. And that's pretty harsh. But the saddest part isn't that people will tear you down to lift themselves up...the saddest part is that we have the natural tendency to do this to ourselves. 

It's tough growing up as a millennial. Our whole world is online, and we're surrounded by all of these campaigns that draw us in and tell us how we should be. You shouldn't wear that suit, because you're not skinny enough. You have to look like this to pull this outfit off. It's tough. My Instagram feed is full of gorgeous gals who are all in shape and look like they could be America's Next Top Model. 

Being surrounded by that all day is pretty taxing. I'm not going to lie...I'm hardcore addicted to my phone (it's basically another appendage). And I'm probably online during the majority of the day since I do a lot of online work, and I always get sidetracked. Filling my days with comparison to others online who paint a perfect picture of their life isn't how I want to spend the rest of my (hopefully!) long and happy life. 

When I find myself surfing social media, I always find myself thinking, "Wow....look at her. She's got it all." And that mindset sucks! It automatically puts me in a funk and then I start putting myself down even more. 

The worst part is that the mindset carries over into other aspects of my life, even if I don't intend for it to. I find myself telling myself that I could've done something better, I don't deserve to have amazing things happen to me, or that there's no way I'll be good enough for __________. 

It's an absolutely toxic mindset. And so I'm thinking to myself, "Why am I so hard on myself?" To be honest, we all are at some point in our lives.  

A couple of weeks ago I was working at a church camp as a photographer. 

I was sitting in the corner observing the camp full of pre-k and kindergarteners. They were so pure and innocent and their eyes lit up in delight over the smallest of things. A few of them took interest in my camera, so I showed them how it worked and watched as their faces lit up with excitement over something so simple - taking a picture. 

As their lesson began, I watched as they stood up and recited their verse for the week. 

The theme of the camp was how God made everyone in his image. The main bible verse was Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

All of them yelled the verse confidently, and I kind of sat there and wondered how a little 4-5 year old could be so confident in themselves...and here I am with 15 more years of experience than them and I can't even believe the verse enough to say it myself. 

I was shocked. In that moment, I'd realized that I had let my insecurities and pointless comparisons get a hold of me. I was so focused on all of these little (what I thought to be) imperfections, and I completely missed the big picture. 

I was wonderfully made. 

And so are you.